


(Not) Dangerous

by Acemindbreaker



Category: Original Work
Genre: Female Pedophile, Heterosexual Pedophile, Hopeful Ending, Minor Attracted Person, Non-Exclusive Pedophile, Non-offending Pedophile, Other, Pedophilia, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Lust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-18 01:04:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20630537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acemindbreaker/pseuds/Acemindbreaker
Summary: A non-exclusive, non-offending heterosexual female pedophile muses about how she came to terms with her sexuality, while a friend's child plays innocently in her presence.Very short story!





	(Not) Dangerous

**Author's Note:**

> I'm friends with several non-offending pedophiles and other minor attracted people on Twitter. While having a bath I was thinking about one of the MAPs I know complaining about lack of representation of MAPs who have never even come close to engaging in sexual activity with a child, and started imagining what that representation might look like, and this came about.
> 
> I understand that this is likely to be an upsetting topic for many people. If you are likely to feel triggered by this subject, please take care of yourself and your limits.
> 
> Also, I'm asexual, so any depiction of sexual attraction is a bit out of my comfort zone. Let me know if my depiction of it feels off!

Donny, my best friend’s son, was in his element at this party. Even though he was the youngest person present by far, he had none of the shyness that some kids had---he loved being the center of attention, and he was loving how adorable everyone found his antics as he showed off his gymnastics moves.

A backflip gave me a bit too good a look at his crotch, and I felt that familiar rush of warmth and the down-low tingle. Blushing slightly, I made a point of looking away. Didn’t want to let on that I was enjoying his presence a little more than was appropriate given our age difference.

My pedophilia was my biggest secret, one I planned to take to my grave if possible. I’d known this about myself for a long time. When I first started noticing the boys in that special way, it didn’t take me long to realize my sexuality was a little less selective than I might have wished for. Oh, I found the boys in my grade yummy, no doubt. But unfortunately, I felt the exact same way about the kindergarten boys.

Back then, it used to horrify me. I thought I was some sort of monster, tainted at the core. I feared that it was only a matter of time before the urges overtook me. If I’d been watching Donny’s little show back then, I’d have fled to the bathroom to cry and hate myself by now. I even thought about killing myself, but was always too much of a coward to actually try it.

So, I lived with my secret. And gradually, I started to realize that instead of getting harder, it was actually getting easier to resist the urge to act on this attraction. I chalked it up in part to finishing puberty---without the overwhelming flood of hormones, my libido dampened down to a manageable level. But also, as I learned to treat myself with love instead of fear and hatred, my overall sense of desperation seemed to go away. Now, instead of hating myself for finding Donny’s acrobatics a turn-on, my attitude was more of a fond amusement, as if my brain was a silly friend saying silly things to get a rise out of me.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is really short. I don't know if I'll write more. I was thinking maybe she could fall in love with a guy her own age, and then start considering whether to tell him about her pedophilia, but I am terrible at writing romance so I don't know if I'd be the best choice to continue the story if it went in that direction.


End file.
